Harper Government announces new leader.

In the light of yesterdays leaders debate, the Harper government today announces the appointment of its new leader.

The Conservative Party president stated, "Well it was obvious from the results of the debate that he just did not appear human enough for most voters."

The new leader of Her Majesties Government was introduced by the government house leader this morning. "We hope everybody will like our new leader, Gumby. He has the advantage of being just as washable as Stephen Harper was, so scandals wont stick, but has the additional advantage of not appearing so tight and mechanical in public. - Generally a little more human. He has a nicer smile too"

The leaders of the opposition parties agreed with the change in leadership and all said that they look forward to working with the new Conservative government leader.

Harper Government announces renewed support for Democracy

PRESS RELEASE -- 1 April 2011
 

The Harper Government today announced that if re-elected, it would support true democratic principles in Parliament. Since the days of Trudeau, individuals MPs have lost power, as power has been centralized in the PMO. In addition, political parties have grown across this country which represent a significant proportion of the population and they are not being adequately represented in Parliament. The Harper Government is committed to addressing this inequity through the following initiatives:

Stephen Harper Abducted by Aliens

At a press conference yesterday Stephen Harper explained how in 2004, the letter (reprinted at the bottom of this page) to the Governor General and co-signed by himself and the other opposition parties of the day, came into existence.

When asked by reporters if he was being hypocritical by accusing the federal Liberal party of seeking a coalition government when this recently surfaced letter clearly demonstrates that he himself attempted to do the same thing 6 years ago, he explained....

Election Economic Action Plan

Today the Harper Government unveils the next phase of its Economic Action Plan.

We will be providing almost a $400 million influx to the Canadian economy through a general election. Rather than political parties receiving donations (with considerable tax revenue component) and then sitting on that money so it is unproductive, we are providing insentive for all of them to start spending that money now.  This is money (most of it from taxes) that will be spent in each and every riding in this country, helping you.

We will be encouraging all the political parties to place our Action Plan Logo on all of their campaign material, As Mr Ignatieff has done above.

Harper Government saves poor countries from generic drugs

This week in advance of the opposition parties expected toppling of the government, Tony Clement was able to prevent the passing of the NDP generic drug bill C-393 which would have had dire consequences for developing nations.

The  NDP was hoping to fast track the bill through the Senate.

Asked for comment about the Bill and what Minister Clement had accomplished, the Minister said Bill C -393 would have allowed drugs that have not been certified by Health Canada to be shipped “to unsuspecting populations, to their detriment.” The drugs, he said, could be redirected to the black market with proceeds going to non-humanitarian causes such as weapons, and the shipments could run afoul of domestic laws and traditions. It was laws like this he suggested that were responsible for the earthquake in Japan and the civil war in Libya as well.

The developing nations can now rest comfortably knowing that their sick and dying citizens suffering from Malaria, Typhoid and AIDS will no longer have to worry about black market weapons, threats to their traditions, or earthquakes, thanks to Mr. Clement.

Libya War and the Government in Contempt.

This week Canada and the Harper Government joined the international coalition war against Muammar Gaddafi regime. When asked to comment on Canada's involement in this war, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said "We're dealing with an individual and with a regime that will not be satisfied with the mere re-imposition of authority. The nature of this leader and the nature of his regime is they will massacre every single individual they even remotely suspect of disloyalty. This is an intolerable situation"

Also this week, the committee investigating the contempt charge against this government is preparing to report back to Parliament with a guilty verdict . When asked about the severity of these charges against Stephen Harper's government, and the prospects of a spring election, the committee chair said "We're dealing with an individual and with a regime that will not be satisfied with the mere re-imposition of authority. The nature of this leader and the nature of his regime is they will massacre every single individual they even remotely suspect of disloyalty. This is an intolerable situation"

RCMP investigates Access to Information Interference

The RCMP today announced that it was investigating a Conservative Party staffer who interfered in access to information requests for the Public Works department. The Party staffer resigned after a long list of similar "isolated incidents" were discovered.

The Harper Government and Conservative Party have taken the issue quite seriously, which is why only two years after the issue first came to light, the Public Works Minister has now called the RCMP in to investigate.

Harper Government puts its money where its mouth is with the Economic Action Plan

The Harper Government today released more details of its Economic Action Plan. Proving once again that this governments lives by its words, the new documents show how the Harper Government has pumped over $136 million dollars into the vital advertizing sectors of our economy. The government has single handedly put more money into the advertising sector of the economy than any other major corporation in Canada.

Harper Government bans words associated with racial minorities

In the wake of the emotional distress caused to conservative senator Don Meredith as a result of the insensitive racial comment "cotton-pickin minute" uttered by Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff, the Harper Government has put forward a bill in the House of Commons to ban all use of certain words and phrases which may be seen as racial insults. If passed, words and phrases such as "cotton pickin minute, homo milk, Oreo cookie, niggardly (see March 2 entry), and a list of about 10,000 other words, will be stricken from the English language. This government intends to show that that we can be more politically sensitive than all the other parties. Especially when it serves our own purposes.

Longer Lasting Plastic Money on the way.

The Harper Government is pleased to announce the introduction of new Canadian bank notes which will be fabricated out of a new polymer material. The new bank notes, starting with the introduction of the 100 dollar bill, will be made out of the same plastic that the Prime Minister's suits are. This plastic which has allowed the Prime Minister to easily deflect all criticism and scandal and maintain his lead on the polls, will increase the life and perceived cleanliness of our money in exactly the same way.

Harper Government assures Canadians that F-35 costs are low.

Parliamentary Budget Officer Kevin Page has released a report claiming that the lifetime costs the new F-35 fighter jet purchase by the Harper Government, is going to be $30 billion rather than the $18 billion originally estimated.

The Harper Government is standing behind its original estimate of cost. These cost estimates were originally created by a non-partisan group of industry insiders working for the U.S. Pentagon. We also saved an incredible amount of money by having the Pentagon create the specification and perform the whole bid process on our behalf.

The Harper Government probes CRA kickback allegations.

Recent revelations in the media that CRA agents may be taking kickbacks from businesses in exchange for reducing fines or taxes owed to the government, are being seriously investigated by The Harper Government.

A spokeswoman for Revenue Minister Keith Ashfield said "Our government is supportive of this investigation and will ensure that the CRA co-operates with all investigations,”. She said the investigation would take a while as she, the Minister, and all the investigators were new to the issue, and all previous persons investigating these allegations have all recently retired.

Fund Raising and Spending of the Conservatives and The Harper Government

The recent ruling by Federal Court of Appeal against the Conservative Party of Canada regarding the charges brought forward by Elections Canada, is an unfortunate blow to the freedom of well funded parties to spend their money as they see fit.

The premise of Elections Canada's charge is that while it is perfectly reasonable for national parties to transfer funds to local ridings, and indeed all parties do this all the time, it is unprecidented that anyone would then transfer the money right back out again, returning it (sometimes within 15 minutes) and now being able to spend the money nationally, but claim it local expense.

Members of Parliament are missing House votes

The Globe and Mail newspaper today is reporting that "Too many MPs are skipping Parliament."

Indeed a great many MPs are not showing up to vote on key legislation which has been put forward by The Harper Government, and most of them are on the opposition benches.

The Harper Government

The Harper Government of Canada is please to announce our new name change which better reflects what we are and whom we are here to serve.

Effective immediately all official correspondence from all government departments will use the heading "The Harper Government". As well all deputy ministers are currently undertaking Harper sensitivity training so that they better understand the edicate which is required when dealing with the PMO. Part of the sensitivity training will be leasons on how to bow and curtsy when Dear Prime Minister Harper enters a room.